What do you mean, "iz ded"?!

[modernwizard]

My winter hat, which I bought just a year ago, expired this morning. It is [or was] an acrylic knit shell with an inner fleece lining around the ear area. Strangely enough, the top was not stitched together. Instead, the loose acrylic was just cinched with a piece of yarn acting as a drawstring. This yarn was then attached to a multi-braided decorative string off the top of the hat. The drawstring yarn wore out, causing the decorative braid to fall off and the top of the hat to become ungathered.

I'm so infuriated because I paid ~$30.00 for that hat, and it is not functioning as durably as my simple knit caps that I bought for $10.00 apiece from Duluth Trading Company. I'm just gonna go to Etsy and commission a hat to my specs and measurements. >:(