Now, this bar graph represents the thought processes of the average American male in 1957. We see, in descending order of importance, sex, sports, cars, and sex in sports cars.
But things have changed since the enlightenment, as illustrated by this 1993 bar graph showing that men now think about sex, sports, cars, and promoting the wellness of the planet and the humanness of all people by creating a caring and nurturing environment in which to have sex in sports cars.
P.S. How 'bout them Niners?
Also, concerning 50 Shades of Grey, please see the related parody video by Flula: entirely ridiculous and safe for work. You're welcome.
Also in the same vein is Britanick's Trailer for Every Oscar-Winning Film Ever. The accuracy of the parody is marred by useless ableism ["Said retard is now in your custody"]. Phooey. Why does otherwise good humor have to be so corrupted?
"Chains, these puppets are horrible stereotypes!"
"You lied! You never texted me!"
"How many babies are there in this song?!!!"
Thanks to Val for showing this to me.
Jesus, there's an entire Twilight Sucks Web site.
For more mordant humor, look into her Headtrip manga-style cartoon about teenaged girls with sarcastic senses of humor. I enjoy the one-off jokes with recurring characters.
Anthony Hopkins as Abraham van Helsing: I chew ze scenery, ja? Is between my tees, ja? HAHAHAHAHAHAH!
Bill Campbell as Quincey P. Morris: Goldurn it and tarnation! I'm madder than a riled-up hornet. Dadgum -- how many fake folksy expressions does a feller have to use to compensate for the fact that his Texan hick character has got as much karikter development as an advertising picture on the side of a feed sack?
Gary Oldman as Dracula: I am sensitive. Note the deep wells of feeling in my large liquid brown puppy-dog eyes. Well, actually, they're more like the eyes of a hairy horny werewolf, given that I screw Sadie Frost's character on a sundial in a labyrinth while looking like a monkey/bat combo. But pay no attention to my furry palms.
Winona Ryder as Mina Murray: Sure, it makes no sense at all that an unaccompanied fin-de-siecle woman engaged to be married to an utter twit would a) be walking around scummy London unaccompanied and b) allow herself to be accosted by a mysterious "Prince Vlad" and then c) go see nudie movies with him and d) pet wolves, but THROW ME A BONE HERE! I'm doing the best I can with utterly stupid material.
Bosoms: [heave heave]
Red Water: [gush gush]
Scenery: Hello! We are obviously matte paintings and sound stages and overly employed dry ice! Not to mention soap flakes for snow. But you should give us an Oscar anyway. Or two. Or three. PLEAAAAAASE.
Crosses: Watch how we break. This is Very Symbolic. VERY SYMBOLIC.
Annie Lennox: You know, I'm just going to ignore the entire movie and write a seriously awesome love song for the end credits that transcends any of the efforts put forth by the cast in terms of quality.
EDITED TO ADD: Viewers: Mmm, this cheese tastes good.
P.S. If you do watch it, leave a comment and a rating [on the Google Video site, not HERE!], will ya?
The Onion launches a barrage of zingers at the radio show This American Life. It is a very funny article. All the zingers find their mark as the piece deflates the bombastic, precious excesses of TAL. Here's my favorite part, a fictional quote from TAL producer Alex Blumberg:
"At first, we were getting a lot of stories from recovered drug addicts and East African refugees living in the States, which had their compelling elements but came off a bit cloying...But then we realized that if we had overeducated people with voices rather unsuitable for radio narrate the stories with clever analogies and accessible morals, the whole thing would come off far less depressing."