Elizabear's cheap, delicious vegetarian chili

[modernwizard]

Based on 2009's invention, cold chili glop.

The following makes 4 to 5 servings.

Ingredients:

• 1 can of beans [~14oz.] -- black, red, pinto, etc. [black or pinto recommended]
• 1 cup uncooked rice -- brown, white, basmati, long-grain, etc. [brown or white recommended]
• 1 jar of salsa [~16oz.] -- any type [Green Mountain Salsa recommended]
• 8-12oz. sour cream or plain yogurt [low- or full-fat recommended]
• salt to taste

Optional:

• shredded cheese [sharp cheddar recommended]
• browned meat [which obviously makes it not vegetarian] [lean ground beef or turkey recommended]
• hot sauce
• tomato paste

NOTE: I have never included browned meat, tomato paste or hot sauce in my own experiments, so I just stuck them in the recipe at what seemed like the appropriate point. I claim no responsibility for any disgusting results you may incur by following my instructions.

Steps:

• Start rice cooking. Put x cups of rice in at least 2x cups of water. 2.5x cups is even better, as you can always drain off the excess water later. Bring to a boil, then reduce to a simmer. 
• While rice is cooking, open beans. Rinse and drain to get rid of slime. Put them in a clean pot large enough for at least twice, if not thrice, that amount of beans.
• Simmer rice for a while [40+ minutes], stirring regularly and sampling occasionally. Rice is done when it is soft, but not mushy, and has absorbed almost all the water. Usually these two events coincide, but not always.
• Remove rice from pot when done and put in with beans. Mix thoroughly. Put hot water and soap in rice pot to soak so leftover rice doesn't congeal.
• Open salsa. Dump in with beans and rice. Mix thoroughly. Sample. Add salt if desired.
• If adding meat, hot sauce or tomato paste, these ingredients should go in at this point.
• If preparing for later consumption, add enough sour cream or yogurt  to make the chili gooey, but not sloppy. Mix; sample; salt.
• Add shredded cheese if desired. Mix; sample.
• If preparing for immediate consumption, heat rice, beans and salsa until they are all hot. Then add sour cream or yogurt, then shredded cheese.
• Eat it.
• Store leftovers in sealed plastic or glass container. Chili nukes really well, but can also be enjoyed cold. Good for at least 5 days, it actually improves flavor with age.