How not to write, part seven zillion in a neverending series

I just finished Libba Bray's latest doorstop trilogy opener The Diviners. Set in New York City in 1926, it follows a group of teenagers with magical powers as they pursue and attempt to thwart a murderous fanatic who wishes to cheat death by bringing about Hell on Earth [or something -- this point wasn't entirely clear]. Characters include protagonist Evie, an obnoxious flapper wannabe and burgeoning lush, who can learn about owners by holding their possessions; her best friend Mabel, whose major conflict in this book is about whether she should bob her hair; Evie's new friend Theta, a Zeigfield girl and apparent pyrokinetic; Memphis, Theta's boyfriend, who has healing hands and a possessed little brother; Will, an absentminded professor stereotype, who heads a museum of the occult and ostensibly watches over Evie; Sam, a pickpocket and male version of Evie [only with less alcohol], who can become invisible; Jericho, a tragic cyborg with the power of hulking menacingly; and Naughty John, the aforementioned murderous fanatic. Shenanigans ensue.

I'm going to finish this series because Bray knows how to write mindlessly engaging entertainment. I am not, however, finishing this series for its literary merit. In fact, the book presents many beautiful examples of how not to write. I have gathered them in a list below for your convenience in no particular order.( This book REALLY pissed me off. )

Lazy burrito pillows, or, The rehab of the excruciatingly pink couch

I broke open my new-to-me Jonathan Adler Barbie sofa this morning. Flower saw its default state and promptly keeled over.
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Pieces of Chaz!!

Finally got around to opening my Batchix Nan Sook this afternoon. [She arrived while I was away last week.] I gave her a bath to wash away the resin powder still attached. Here she is drying with her extra pieces: two heads [minus headcaps] and another torso.( Read more... )

Flower plotting something

His next smart remark, perhaps?( Read more... )

Chaz strung

I need to drill out her neck hole more because it won't allow thick enough elastic through. She is temporarily strung through the core with very thin beading elastic. I gave up trying to string her arms and ended up just wiring them.

Waiting for her wheelchair!
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